Day In A Sentence: Sept. 7, 2011

"Day In A Sentence" is brought to you by Kevin's Dogtrax blog. This week he was asking for the blogosphere to submit the D.A.I.S. in haiku format. Here's my take on the first day of (middle) school.

The quiet stillness
of anxious first impressions
is far too short lived.

"What Sarah Said": a lo-fi, live action, web comic (episode 3, Back To School)

I wanted to bring the life of my first few "Sarah" FaceBook postings into a more fully realized web comic. So here she is: the disciple of the obvious (who is a few clicks counter-clockwise off kilter), ready to report her observations of a slightly idiosyncratic world. ***Please click the comic to magnify the image.***

The Boy's Badge of Summer

My son lacks the finesse of eye-foot coordination (it must come from his mother's side of the family). Anything faster than a trot, and my son is nearly guaranteed to stumble and fall flat on his face. Prepping him with the parental warning of "no running" has little effect, and apparently pain has no memory... Otherwise P-Finn would have learned his lesson many times over.

I'm somewhat at odds here. On one hand, the kid clearly needs to burn off pre-nap energy, not to mention the whole bit about learning to run for enjoyment. Sure, give him a rolling park. Grass stains have a fairly quick recovery time. But oh, just a little bit of concrete is enough to grate away layers of skin and scabs. Damn, that sucker would bleed bright, bright red. Just enough to garner the attention of any onlookers.

The kid knows how to play sympathy's fiddle. "Daddy, I have a boo boo. It's bleeding. Pick me up." He would just stand there, paralyzed, one hand lifting his pant leg, giving the trickle of blood an unobstructed path towards his ankles. Depending on his audience, he might either give the sobbing performance of a lifetime, or laugh it off and jump right back into playing. You never quite know, though trust me: the remedy is not the answer he was looking for.

I did had some minor success in daddy triage utilizing a rolled paper towel to bandage the knee. This approach exaggerated the painful appearance of his injury. "I don't wand a band aid," he would pine on with a grimace that would suggest the cure more painful than the injury.

So... I quickly changed my approach and called it a "boo boo badge." It sounded somewhat tougher to me. Yeah, that didn't work either. It all came down to a moment's distraction while I slapped that band aid on his knee. Let me tell you, peeling away a half-way removed band aid was cause for an even bigger production!


The mosquito bites. The unexplained bruises. A blotch of what might be poison ivy. Splinters. Bee stings. And the skinned knees. These are the perpetual marks of a boy's badge of summer.

Star Wars Pancakes

I was psyched the day Caroline came home with Star Wars™ Vehicles Pancake Molds she acquired from a clearance sale at Williams Sonoma. Saturday morning breakfast was elevated to a whole new level: not only could I cook a nutritive breakfast, but now my family could be 'force'-fed (pun intended).



I ripped through the cardboard packaging, quickly discarded the directions and special recipe, and readied up the batter. C'mon. Who has time for reading instructions with a hungry family ravenously waiting for their morning meal? Cooking pankcakes is an inherent part of fatherhood, along with BBQ grilling and potty training your son to pee on trees. How could I fail?

ANSWER: quite easy.

The molds are quite complex in shape. Intricate appendages stem off a central body. I found that my pancake batter proved to be too thick for the smallish spaces and didn't completely fill the mold from a central pour. I adjusted by trickling in more batter, nearly overflowing the mold. Way more cake'ish than I was aiming for, though I thought it seemed the lesser of two evils than eating a half-formed X-wing fighter.



I distinctly remembered the words NON-STICK advertised alongside a glossy image of a perfectly formed Millenium Falcon. Could not be farther from the truth.

The half-cooked batter stuck to the mold like you wouldn't believe. I found myself tracing the outline of the mold with a butter knife to pry the pancake from the frame just so I could cook the other side. My once 'rebel rebel' Jedi Knight X-wing fighter looked like it had been struck down by the Death Star. Next time I'll need to generously coat the mold with a non-stick spray or bathe it in an immersion of vegetable oil.



Not wanting to disappoint my 3-year-old son, I fell back on an old standard: the three-pour Mickey Mouse pancake. Despite having a busted appearance, the X-wing fighter was quite tasty with a liberal dousing of butter and Vermont maple syrup. A pancake breakfast never fails.

Maura Fern: A Portrait of Infant Epilepsy

Yesterday was conceivably Maura Fern's worst day since leaving Children's Hospital of Philadelphia where It wasn't uncommon for her to have upwards of seven seizures per day. Yesterday she experienced five episodes (up from the two the day before that).

It's hard to believe her first episode occurred within the first 40-hours of life, and here she is almost 4-months-old. As you can imagine, the appearance of her seizures have changed with her age.

The seizures typically begin with a piercing cry. it is unmistakable, like nothing you have ever heard (and you can hear it across the house). Right then hear back arches upward and eyes roll to the back-left. They appear keenly focused on some distant object, and will not track faces or voices.

Maura's muscle tenses. Her arms fall to the side and fists start pumping. Every last muscle in her face starts to twitch… All of which is coordinated in a rapid, pulsing rhythm of contract, release, contract, release.

Even her breathing is gripped by the seizures as her lungs struggle against shallow, rhythmic breaths. When she was much younger, she would enter a state of apnea, sometimes requiring assisted breathing from the CHOP nurses. Now, she becomes quite pale… and you wait for her to regain control.

120 seconds of pure helplessness. There is nothing we, the parents, can do outside of just hold her lovingly, call her name waiting for some response, and count every tick of that clock, and wait for the typically, two-minute episode to end.

There is no rhyme or reason to the onset, though Caroline and I have recently associated a trigger upon waking. Right now that is purely speculation, as we are grasping at straws for any real answers.

Just imagine looking at a peacefully sleeping baby, and worrying about the next time she wakes. You might have some idea… Though, to be honest we aren't fearful… just anxious knowing it can happen at any time (and very grateful when it doesn't).

We are hopeful for a reprieve from Maura's epilepsy, and can have a least another month-plus seizure free; though we are really praying she grows out of this condition.

"What Sarah Said": a live action web comic (episode 2, Hurricane Irene edition)

"Sarah the roving weatherduck reporting from the West Jersey evacuation center where one person lined up to take advantage of services. Miss Maura, what did you think of... Oh wait. Did you just poop your pantaloons?"



"Sarah the roving weatherduck reporting the after effects of the storm. Here in West Jersey a plight of "downed" acorns litter the streets, and at least two squirrels seem to have fallen from the trees. And in other news..."



Stepping away from her duties as an on-the-scene action reporter, Sarah rubs elbows with the locals to toast smores during the West Jersey power outage. Marshmallows are sweet, good friends you can rely upon are even sweeter.



"Sarah here, joining with the benevolant, humanitarian efforts of the West Jersey communities to thoroughly clean up after the devastating effects of Irene... though, it looks like I brought more devastation upon myself. Oh dear God, I am really never, never drinking again."



"Local schools & businesses are closing due to flood conditions caused by storm water runoff. For those who braved going into work, it sucks to be you... unless you have amphibious inclinations like m'self. I'm rather enjoying the dip."

"What Sarah Said": a live action web comic (episode 1, Hurricane Irene edition))

Went with my neighbor Carl to pickup batteries & water from Lowes. Instead, I'm coming home with this present for Maura & Car. Perfect item to weather the storm together.



"Sarah the roving weather duck reporting from Bordentown, NJ. The weather appears... uh, wet... with severe flooding conditions as seen here on this sidewalk. Stay tuned, more news to follow..."



"Sarah the roving weatherduck here. Torrential downpour is 2nd only to heavy, hurricane-like winds blowing at umpteen-gazillion miles per hour... Just look at... how hard... it is.... to... stand..."



"Sarah the weatherduck reporting. Darkness continues to spread throughout the lands as the effects of Hurricane Irene continues to blot out the sun. Oh wait... Nevermind. That's just night. Next report at the 'quack' of dawn."



"BREAKING NEWS: earlier this evening a tornado was spotted east of Trenton. The only 'twister' here is the room is spinning out of control. Oh dear God, I promise never to drink again."



"This is a test of the emergency quackcasting service. Had this been a real emergency, you probably wouldn't be on FaceBook jamming reload to check for new notifications. No, I know you... Of course you would! Turn off the computer & head to bed!!!"